Doubting myself

Hello ~

Havent been blogging lately because im so tired everyday after my school end and just didnt had the time to blog~

And this post is not going to be very entertaining either la.

You see, yesterday, i was with couple of my polymates, hanging around in school and we were just having a GIRL CHAT and ya know, girl chat = boyfriends and boys and shyt-noes-what~

LOL, and you know what, IM NEVER ATTACHED BEFORE! :)

Not tryna say that i should be attached and all the boys should love me but... thinking about this kinda makes me doubt myself D:

What if im actually some weirdo or freak that i never realized that i am and think that im normal when people are actually thinking im weird and stuff D:

And also, not trying to boast or be proud or whatsoever.. i dont think im THAT ugly ö

I mean, im not right? I think...

Okay,.... maybe im a little fat and chubby. I guess that is probably that reason why.

And also, i've never been jio-ed before. (Jio means woo) LOL

Nobody ever ask for my number before~ 

I know this is kinda stupid or a bit shocking for me to be thinking this way LOL but confirm a lot of girls out there also think about this kind of stuff one right! LOLOL

And also, i think all my pictures that i've camwhored are kinda a lie. 

It's probably the camera angle or some camera effect that made me look pretty much pleasant but actually in really life, i look like some ugly girl that's all fat and alieny looking. 

And also, the mirrors in my house must have some magically effect that make me look okay. 

Im kinda serious about this, because i really think i look okay at home but once i step out of the house and look at mirrors or reflection around me, I DO LOOK UGLY WTF okay.. moral low.

And im like 17, poly student already and never held a guy's hand (romantically that is LOL)

I try to not seek for too much attention because im kinda afraid of haters since im in a new school and new environment and i don't have backup, MY CHANGKAT FAMILY around me~ D:

So yah la... this is probably a heart problem D; LOLOL

and i know this is bad but, even some girls that are not that pretty are attached and stuff and just totally pull my confidence lower. LOL

okokokokokokokokokokok, please dont think that im desperate or something, this is just stupid random thoughts that'll prolly get pushed away by the stress from other stuff.

In fact, im even thinking like, what if i stay single FOREVER o.o

I really wonder what will happen man...

Another thing is.. DANCE.

Im also starting to doubt myself in dancing, whether if im even good at dancing or just a weirdo that dance really horribly and weird D;

You know, some people are just not born to dance and their kinda style of dancing is just weird and different which im thinking that maybe im like this too because ....... ;( 

So yeah.. walao, damn depress now.

Shall just chill and I KINDA WISH I HAVE SOME STARBUCK'S MOCHA FRAPP NOW.

HAIYO SO DEPRESSING WHAT IS THIS!

Okay.. im gonna end this post, if i continue ah, i might just slit my wrist liao LOL just kidding.

By the way, yesterday, my friend's parents sent me to Lavender mrt (from clementi) and we passed by marina bay. 

It was around 9+ and it just made me realized how much i love the night view and sight of marina bay.

Like, seriously IN LOVE, i think.

LOL, since i've never been in love before, how would i know how it feels like.

BUT the feeling is some strong and nice and just feel like crying.

As if there's like a million memories there, which there kinda are and it's just beautiful.

Someday, i might just go there and take a walk alone. 

It'll be wonderful ;)

This is actually what i took last night, but because i was in car so yah.. blur.. LOL

Bye~

Argh.. so depressed.