Yay!

Tomorrow no school!
That's why Im still up right now!
Time check 1:42AM

Accidently clicked on my bloglink so... might as well write something!
This few days been normal~
But more on the good side because... more good things happened then the bad things :)
Hope it stays this way or improve!

Even though the good things are just small stuff like a tighter hug or a pleasant smile,
it really improves my mood a lot ;)
Really gotta be thankful and greatful of all the wonderful people that i've met!
Though i think im the only one reacting this way and thankful for them being in my life..
I am still thankful! :)

Also glad to see my friends being happy because i've been happy, so it should be their turn now :)
I've been sad, and it hurts, im sure everyone's been sad, so let everyone's happiness last just a bit longer then before to mend up our sadness!
Chehhhh like a deep only!

Still, gotta try my best to repay all the kindness i've recieved ;)
Even though all I probably could give is a tighter hug or a cup or teh beng, i hope it will boost their mood even just by a tiny winy bit!

Huffff Pufffff
Sucks when im feeling down.. blehhhhhh!

I guess I know how it feels!
When you're feeling all lost and shitty, the fastest way to be done with it is to walk away to someone quiet and just STONE. lol

Even though it's nice to have someone to share what you're thinking bout and stuff.
But some stuff are just so weird and messed up that maybe STONING would be the best choice.. yah?

Hahahaha!
That's what i did today.. i think it works ley~

Hope tomorrow will be a better day for everyone!
No wait, IT WILL BE!

LOL feeling happy now so can type until so positive, later something shitty happened, confirm moody and emo again~
Bye!

Happy!

I've an assignment due later on but I don't know why Im not worried or stress about it!
Still can blog somemore!
Hahahhah!

Today's been a pretty good day ;)
Class was soooooo awesome!
Im paying 2 freakin bucks for a $14 class!
So super worth!

But can't say I dislike classes in the pass with orange..
I miss her ;(
She's so nice and punnyy ;))

So looking forward to wednesday for B2 class!
FREAKING LOVE FARID! I really think he's the best instructor ever!
So inspirational and encouraging!
AND I MAD LOVE HIS VOICE!
okay going a bit siao here!
WHEN IS XIANGTIAN COMING BACK MAN ;(
Hahahahhaha!

Freaking love NRA.
Probably the reason why my life is happening now ;)
Most of em are so awesome <3 So true <3

So glad to have walked by the CCA fest when i was in Year 1,
and took the courage to walk to the booth called, 'HipHopClub' and asked the guy, who now I know and respect, Lester Fisherman, and went for auditions on a lazy saturday~

Really super glad. :)
I love everyone there <3

But for now.. Gotta go chiong finish my assignment!
Hahhaha Bye!

Days like this

Im so tired from writing the long ass script for my assignment~
And quiet nights like this with sweet music just makes me think more~

Tiring days like this just make me wish I had someone~
Everyone's in love.
Everyone's searching for love.
Never been there~
Wonder how it'll be like.
Pleasant or Horrible.

Not being desperate but wonder how great will it be to have someone to always look out for you,
talk to you, laugh with you, cry with you and be there for you~

Never had a boyfriend before~

Oh well, we'll see when the time and the boy comes.
Who are you and where are you~
What you doing now :)

Seeya!

Peace

Life been normal nowadays.
Back to the ordinary I guess~

Had a test today..
I know im gonna fail it but at least it wont be 0%~

Choreoing for danzation audition is pretty tough~
And Im so clueless of so many things!
Inside committee macham not inside lidat LOL Assistant Sec somemore~

Something came up my mind earlier.
Should one be themselves and go crazy or keep composure and be aware of "things"?
I wonder if im doing it right.
Hope I am.
But it feels weird... Maybe it's just part of everything :)

"And if you're still bleeding, you're the lucky one."
Shall see whats awaiting for me!

Tweets

I need to ban myself from going to twitter!
HAHAHAHAHHA
It's such a depressing place because now that I've following so much more people and they are following me, im so scared i'll get judge and also I can totally SEE that Im being ignored!
Hahahah!

As retarded and childish as it seems.
Oh come on!
Nobody likes being ignored right!
Hahahahah I really seriously thinking what people are thinking~
'Should I retweet her tweet?' 'Should I reply that tweet?' 'Should I just ignore?'
'OKAY I SHOULD IGNORE'

DAMMIT! LOL
Oh well~ I really need to stay away from that network HAHAHAH
But then again, i communicate through that portal man!

I guess im being sensitive~ ;p
Like when people reply. 'Abc. Abcdefgh.. ' I'll be like, 'Y SO DAO?'
Hahahahahha
Why cant everyone just type like, 'Abc!! Abcdefgh! :D'
The world would be so much better this way!

Hahahahha #worldpeace #uhuhsiol
Okay lame, using hashtags on blogs. REALLY?

Okok shall stop ;p
Getting no where, but AWAY FROM TWITTER!

Hahahah Bye!

Maybe~

Twitter's getting boring nowadays ;(

Dunnoe if it's good or bad.

I wanna be myself but im so afraid im gonna get judge!

Hahaha, I can literally sense them going, 'Omg, jiayi lidat one ah?'

LOL, kidding, im probably thinking too much!

Just gonna be myself!

Sometimes I really wish I can read people's mind.

Like... They can be nice to you at times and suddenly just switch off!

Whuuut!

And Im damn scared damn guys will think that I like them and avoid me..

I really hope I don't give any weird impression to anyone..

IM JUST GONNA STAY MYSELF K! ;p

(say only.. uhuhsiol)

Tmr got S24 prac again!

Look forward.. I just wanna dance everyday mannnn!

Interesting how I can like dancing so much when it was just a cca back in sec sch.

Really greatful to be part of NRA and get to learn so much.

I really hope my dance days won't stop here.

But then again... Gotta work harder to show the world I have potential in something more!

(say only.. again hahah)

Just random! 

I miss Danzation2012.

Hope this year's will be a blast! ;p

Bye!

Sometimes.

Today's been a pretty good day :)
Even thou i did something wrong and regretted my actions.
But! It's a good thing that I've been told that Im doing something wrong!
So that I wont continue my actions.

Went for 2 kayte's classes today.. GROOVE HUH
It's my very first time attending her class, really next level!
But really enjoyed it :)
Even though couldn't catch it for the first time.. I think my last one wasnt that bad!

Omg, just saw a facebook notification from my class..
Dang it, there's a project.
I know this is bad but... I dunnoe why but i just cant enjoy ;(
I really hope things will get better because I know there's gonna be lots of project.

Oh well, going back.
Been closer and closer to my NRA mates nowadays.. (I hope)
Scarly im the only one feeling bonded and they're like, 'Ew its that jiayi again' D;
Hope not!

Really hope and strive to be a better and discipline dancer.
Woot woot!

Loveeeee :)

Hello :)

Woah, how long has it been since i've been here :)
Was just thinking.. maybe i should update a bit bout how im doing :)

It's been great nowadays..
No more emo nemo nights!
Thats a lie..
Of course there have been, but those are just random retarded ones ;p

Life been better.
I've grown more as a dancer and as a family in my NRA home ;p
Even thou im still kinda scared of some of 'em..
I hope it gets better :)

I really owe a lot to my friends who have been bringing me luck and happiness.
And the new bonded friends who take care of me, making me feel blessed and glad :)

And new experiences, Danzpeople recital :)
What a great day.

I really look forward to what's coming!
Super 24, Danzation..

I like those people.
No, I LOVE 'EM.
Truly enjoy every moment im with them ;)
(Okay, not all but some of 'em I really enjoy with)

Still, even though there's some I dont hang well with, Im still greatful because they probably contributed to my happiness somehow ;p

Happy happy!
Hope things stay this way or gets better!

Love!

I tried.

Once again.
One of the worry nights.

Whats wrong with me...
Why am I so unhappy nowadays.
Happiness just comes and goes.. It's all short terms.
I dont seem to be happy when Im alone. Like how I use to be.. Able to think about happy memories and enjoying every part of my life thinking that it's perfect.

But why..?
Now, I seem to be facing so many difficulties suddenly.
Is this part of growing?
Because It really sucks.

Even my parents are changing.
They want me to grow up.
But how.. What can I do to grow up.

Just today, I went for financial planning.
It's not like I've never thought about my future or whatsoever.
I think about my future daily and worry every single night that my future might not be what I want.
How will it be. Will I be successful. Will I enjoy what I do..?

Everytime I try to tell my parents about this..
They will be telling me to just live as it is and dont worry about the future.
And when I just relax and do what I feel happy about.
They tell me that im immature and that I should grow up.

Im really tired of thinking about what im suppose to do.
And it just seem as if im stuck at this stage.
This stage where nothing happens and nothing about me improves.
I tried. I tried so many ways but nothing just happens.
Not even a little sign.

Im worried and tired.
What am I suppose to do now.

What phase is this?

Why do I feel this way suddenly?
It's like everything is in my way, like everything's against me.

There's so many things I want to know.
So many things that come against me.

What do I want.
How can I get it.

People say, if you have a dream, go for it.
But how to if there's no chance? No opportunities?
Then they'll say, find opportunities.
I tried...
Everything just come against me..

Im so scared.
Im not happy.
I don't like my life like this.
What phase is this?

I hate it.

I think Im some kind of badluck.

So FP award night just ended and im back home, about to go to sleep.

So...
As like how 321 went.. Our film ended up the same.
It really made me think.
THINK SO DEEPLY.
What the fuck did we do wrong.

But oh well, it's over already.
But seriously, the MTV part really shocked me.

AND IM SO NOT OVER IT.
WHAT THE EFF OUR MUSIC VIDEO WAS NOT EVEN NOMINATED.

Seriously.. Something's going on..

But oh well~
I look pretty today ^^

That's me 2nd from the right!

After all the shyt i've went through and facing the same old ending, i kept thinking to myself..

Maybe this is just not what im meant to be.

To be behind the camera. To operate the machines. To direct people.

I don't know. I really don't know.

Even though i received that few compliments from my own team mates but.. that's all.

That's all. The end.

My teammates.

No one else acknowledges my effort or hardwork.

I don't know what my future may be but by the look of how me being in the media industry now, i don't think it's a good idea.

But I like attending award ceremonies like these~

It's a sign.

JUST KIDDING.

But seriously.

Im bored.

I look pretty here LOL

SOMEBODY TELL ME! 

Dammit. Bye~

So I did a personality test...

So I did a personality test and it came out to this:

About your personality:

You tend to be traditional. Home, family, job and community are all central to you. You like being firmly embedded in your social and business groups and you feel deeply responsible for just about everyone around you. You can be fiercely protective of those you love.

You are skilled at managing people. You are sympathetic and cooperative; you are also hard working and display a good deal of caution and common sense. And you can be very patient. So you can complete detailed, painstaking jobs more easily than most people.

You enjoy building social relationships. You have excellent verbal and people skills. You are talented at achieving solutions to complex problems so that all involved feel fulfilled. You have a hard headed too. You tend to respect rules, schedules and routines.

You also see the big picture, have a fine imagination and can be remarkably intuitive. You like to play with ideas and examine the meaning of life. And because you have a genuine sense of community, you seek projects that enable you to contribute to a more stable world.


In love and Relationships:
You tend to be traditional. Home, family, job and community are all central to you. You like being firmly embedded in your social and business groups and you feel deeply responsible for just about everyone around you. You can be fiercely protective of those you love.
Relating to others:
You are somewhat stoical. You believe that difficulties are inevitable. With this practical attitude, coupled with your dependable, cooperative and "can-do" spirit, you often become a central and effective player in your social and business networks. You are generally calm and entertaining, too, and always dedicated and reliable. And with your imagination and people skills, just about everybody likes you.

Primary traits:

• Traditional

• Social

• Loyal

• Dependable

• Patient

• Community oriented

• Orderly

Secondary traits:

• Sees the big picture

• Imaginative

• Intuitive

• Verbal skills

• Empathetic

• Trusting

• Introspective

You are skilled at managing people. You are sympathetic and cooperative; you are also hard working and display a good deal of caution and common sense. And you can be very patient. So you can complete detailed, painstaking jobs more easily than most people.

You enjoy building social relationships. You have excellent verbal and people skills. You are talented at achieving solutions to complex problems so that all involved feel fulfilled. You have a hard headed too. You tend to respect rules, schedules and routines.

You also see the big picture, have a fine imagination and can be remarkably intuitive. You like to play with ideas and examine the meaning of life. And because you have a genuine sense of community, you seek projects that enable you to contribute to a more stable world.

Cool. Cool. Quite interesting. 

Say the truth, some parts are kind real... But, "You are skilled at managing people" and "You have excellent verbal and people skills." O.O REALLY MEH!

Hahahhaha~

苦恼呀苦恼

哈哈哈！
我发觉我每次都吵着累！
（老爸刚进来说我的华语不对～ 但是我不管了呀！）

今天跳舞了！
虽然很累，但是满好玩的啦～
但是哦，太性感了啦！
整个舞都是Street Jazz！
我要快点到Hip Hop的部份！！！
哈哈哈～

咳～～～～～～～～～～
但是现在有两个烦恼的事。

第一是跳舞的camp。。。
不知道为什么选我。
也不知道为什么我总有个感觉是应为没人要去所以就选上了我。
咳。。。
如果我没理由拒绝；一定会有闲言闲语。
那我过后的两年就不用活了啦。
苦恼呀苦恼。。。

第二是做工。。。
我真的很不想去做。
我知道我不能永远有个依靠；永远有个人陪我一起做事。。。
但是我自己知道问题在那里。
虽然过了一年了。。。但是我还始终放不下那悲伤的感觉。。。
每次知道会自己一个人面对陌生的环境，就会感到很怕。
而会应为那件事，无法入眠。
我真的很怕。
但是能依靠的人也开始烦了。。。

这么办。
我好怕。。。

就这样了吧。
晚安。

嗨呀！

这么办！
新年要到了。。。。
但是，信念还没到；食物都到了呀！
我家已经有肉干，黄梨饼，还有好多好多零食。

肥死我了呀！！！

而且，现在也没有跳舞了。。
没有什么运动。

一定会肥起来！！！

这么办。。。

我还想减肥；但是现在是新年期间，那你可能不吃！
还有，我不要喝Starbucks了！
我算了算；如果每天买一杯，10天后，就$60了呀！
而且，太多的咖啡也对我不好。
但是我需要有一种平常和方便的水！

我需要一个；
容易买到。
方便带来带去。
好喝。
便宜。
不肥；
的水！

我想过买Mcdonald的Ice Lemon Tea；
但是我家周围没有Mcdonald！

帮我想想看啊！

咳。。。。
我好麻烦哦～

就这样。
肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥肥！
好肥哦！！！

有时会想。。

又读了个真实的故事。
不是自己要想，但有时就会突然想起。

今天，去了图书馆。
跟我班的朋友聊天；她应该有读我的博客吧！
当我们坐地铁回家时，她跟我说了一句：

你为什么没有男朋友呀？

哈哈哈；不是我想夸自己！
但是有时真的会去想想的呀。

我回了她：

这种事还轮不到我选啊～

说实话；不是我不要有个伴。
是没人追啊～

说多一次！
不是我想夸自己；但是此时有满多个人惊讶我没有男朋友。
不知道是不是，但是有些人更惊讶的是，我从来没谈恋爱过～

说多一次；我从没有个男朋友～
哈哈哈！
不是我想夸自己哦！！

嗨呀，这是我的博客；让我夸夸自己没关系吧！
但说实话；我的条件是不是很差？

看了那么多戏剧；读了那么多小说。
我对我自己想，这些故事；会不会发生在我身上？

还是，我已经失去了信仰。
跟了我好朋友这么久；见过的人也不少。
心理，地确有一点想放弃了。
这么多人；这么没有一个是完美的呀？

每当我以为一个人不错，他就会做些烦人的事。
嗨呀。

完美男人；你还存在吗？

涮了吧；我看着一种爱情故事是不会发生在我身上的啦～

晚安！

（Selene，如果你再读，睡前故事完了；去睡吧！）

"Goodbye Stranger"

Sunday Midnight.

The wind from the Big Ass Fan was blowing so strongly;
Only 8 passengers where on the platform, including me.

I stopped near the escalator and faced the front of the station's direction.
As I hum along the tune of Somewhere Over the Rainbow;
A guy wearing formal and have his blazer over his shoulder, came walking pass me and stopped just about 3 metres infront.
He faced the opposite platform as he stopped.

I look at him curiosly;
The platform is so wide, why did he stop infront of me?
I looked away at the opposite platform and turned back naturally;
However, I was surprise to see the guy looking at me.

Being the shy girl with strangers, I looked away quickly; pretending I didn't see anything.
However, I could feel his constant stare from the edge of my eye.

Everytime when I turn to his direction;
He will turn from wherever he was facing, and look at me.

And then the Last Train approached the stop.
I entered from the separately door so he wouldn't think I have any interest in him or whatsoever.
But, he would still look over once in a while.

Until I was reaching my stop.
I arranged my things and hang them around me to make things easier.
I could see him turning over as I moved about.

And when I reached my stop;
I stood up.
Walked over him.
And alighted.

"Goodbye Stranger"
I thought to myself.

有开心的时候 :)

刚到家！
今天真的太累了。。
但是还想在这写些刚想～

一大清早就去学校上跳舞课；
可笑的是；我既然在地铁上睡着了，没下站！
但是我来得早，虽然坐过头，还是没迟到！(^^)

后来，跳完舞，累得要命；还要赶着去换拍摄的道具。
从学校去到 Clark Quey，又从 Clark Quey 去 Bukit Gombak。
妈呀！
天气有这么猛！
吃完我的汉堡包；又想睡觉！(z_z)

幸好我们的演员好；让我们的拍摄很顺利！
虽然是迟了一点。。。
希望这一些是值得的！

说实话；我真的会想念这些好时光。
虽然我的确又说过我为了他们很难过；
但还是有开心的时候呀～

第二天的拍摄。
我不知道我到底做得好不好。。
但是，还没听到什么意见；
只觉得拍的有点慢，所以延迟了大家差不多15分钟。

等一下的拍摄一定会更好！
但我需要先睡个好觉。。。

就这样！
晚安 (o^^o)

好累哦～

我看我真的要把我的博客翻成华文了呀～
用华文，很像比较容易表示我的感想。

今天好累哦。。。
第一天的拍摄，我当了导演；
是有点恐怖呀～
虽然大家是听我的，但是，有什么事发生，全也是我来抗，我来做决定。
而且，万一有什么奇怪的拍摄的角度。。
那一定是我的错呀！

但是我今天真的太累了，不过还想在博客上说出我无法说的心里话。

还有，不知道我刚刚的表现如何。
我问了；但有些说不错，又有一个说不好。
但是那个人总是坡人冷水。
真烦呀！

他厉害，他来做啊！
我的组队友，全部都一下好，一下又不好。
不知道他们到底要真样。。。

每次都情切的跟他们讨论，但他们总是会用很伤人的话。

我真的很希望我们会做得好。
如果本身幸运的话。。。有可能，就有可能。

如果结果还是跟平常一样，我看我在这一行没将来了啦。

就不多说了。
累了。。。

Omg.

我是不是真的有问题啊？
是我太疲劳，还是我不记得呀。。。

事情是这样发生的：

昨天晚上，差不多半夜两点。
忙了一整天，在家，好累。
我充忙的洗脸刷牙。
回到房间，把我桌上的小镜子放正，把脸弄干净。
后来，我就直接上床睡觉了。

但，我睡了好几个小时后，突然醒了过来。
我一脚一移，提到了床上的一样东西。
那东西大声地落在地上。
我爬起来看。。。

是我桌上的镜子。

我吓了一会儿，但担心镜子列了，就伸手动了表面。
幸好镜子没列。

我赶紧把镜子放在桌上。

早上时，我问我家人，有没有人碰我的镜子；
但我全家都说没。
我告诉他们那晚发生了什么事；
但他们却告诉我，说我乱乱说话，一定是自己放的，但忘了。
我爸还说我一定是睡眠不足，头脑想歪了。

我想。。。也就应该是这样吧。

我是不是有问题啊？

好累哦。
但是还没做完好多事。

就这样。。。

这么这样啊。。

只想微笑着。
这么把自己落在一个那么悲伤的结果呀。。。

原知自己喜欢着一样事，这么搞的，把自己所爱的，绕了个圈，反变成了负担。
本以为这样做就会开心，但自己其实已知道没这简单。

蠢的是，自己既然火上加油，为难自己。
干嘛明知自己不能完全做到的事，还更加答应呀。

谁会知道我的苦恼。。。
老天爷，救救我好吗？

妈呀。。。

Losing.

So much tears.

The smile I had on today.
Which is real.
Which is fake.
In order to show the world Im strong.
Is it worth it?

Judgement from people.
Your weak if you crumble.
Your strong and you'll look happy.
Look. Look happy.

What do we have to do?
What if Im weak inside... But I want to look happy.
Its the least I can do now.
I don't want to crumble.

Library.
The memory of me will stay there forever.
Unable to erase.
As tears drip on the table.

Please remind me who I really am..

So much tears.
Where did they come from.

Came to realized..

When bad things happened.. Do I take the blame?
I always think to myself.

Ever since 2013 started.
So much misfortunes happened.
So much tears were shed.

I always think to myself.
Was I the one that cause all this?
Do I really need to change myself for the world?

People always say.
The world is yours. Dont let it control you.

But how am I suppose to control the billion gazillion people in the world?

So...
I always think to myself.
Am I the one that cause all this.

What If it's me?
Do I try to change?






Am i suppose to change myself into someone I hate in order for people to love me..?

Why does it sound so contradicting..?

What do we live for.

Ohmygod...

Doing something that I dont like and it clashes with something I like.

This has happened so many times.
Why do we have to do things that makes us depress?

It's difficult to pretend a smile when it's clear that tears are filling up the eyes.

Life gets hard without a warning.

Unable to make a space for something I love and want.

Yet we are held up by things that meant 'benefits'.

It gets difficult.

The sorrows that stays inside.

There's no point in writing.

There's no point when there's no improvement.

It just stays dead and flat on the piece of paper.

Sooner or later, it'll get burn.

And whats left, is the sorrows that are still trap deep within.

Life.

What's life when people get depress so easily.

What's life when we do things that we don't like to do.

Dammit.